2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
