I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
