i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
