Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize