Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you would pick up someone in the library
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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