She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
