you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you win again, gameday.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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