You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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