Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
