just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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