Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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