My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
