Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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