so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
