it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
