i think i have two assholes
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I want her autograph on my taint
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize