I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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