so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
