I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize