I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
