so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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