Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
