Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
