She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
