so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
God, I missed his penis.
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