you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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