i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
