Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
