i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
