i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
