Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
