he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
