What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
