so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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