I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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