the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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