Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
