Whod you bang
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
