sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
