I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
