is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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