Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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