I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize