Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
