Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
did you just send me my own nude
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
