Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
