Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
please don't ironically join a cult
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