i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize