good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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