Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
