so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
