I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
