I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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