Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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