GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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