Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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