I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Mom said you looked used
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
