What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
