Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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