barbara walters just said penis...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
