just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
