My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
