my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
