dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
