hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize