Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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