I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am mentally ready for anal.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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