Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
