woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
