I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just found a bag of teeth...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
