the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
