eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
