You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My dick has a subreddit
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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