why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
