No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
