Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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