we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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