i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
