Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
