I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
