We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
