K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
