i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
