I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
