I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
