i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
