thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
