I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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