He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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