This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
