I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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