I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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