I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
